You can’t lead what you refuse to see

Mental Health Awareness Month comes round every year. But no one needs another awareness campaign or email no one reads.

This is about what’s really happening on your team — but no one’s saying out loud.

People are struggling. Not always visibly. And most leaders don’t know what to do about it.

So here’s the blunt guide.

1. Stop asking “How are you?” on autopilot

Ask better questions that create real answers:

• “What’s been draining your energy lately?”
• “If you had 20% more capacity, what would you drop first?”

Then listen. Really listen. No solutions. No fixing. Just space.

2. Spot the signals before they spiral

• They go quiet in meetings
• They stop contributing like before
• Their tone gets short. Or flat.
• Deadlines slip. Not badly — just enough.
• Cameras always off
• Less initiative or slower replies

That’s your cue. Step in.

3. “My door is open” doesn’t cut it

It’s not about being available. It’s about showing up first.

Try this instead:

• “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter lately — is everything OK?”
• “You’re a strong performer, but something feels off. Want to talk?”

Direct. Human. No over-explaining.

4. And if you’re not okay?

Say so. Leadership doesn’t mean hiding it all. Try:

“This quarter’s been heavy for me too — and I’m working on not just pushing through.”

That one line can shift a whole culture.

Bottom line

If you want high performance — start with restoring trust, not just demanding effort.

If someone on your team is drowning, and you’re still just talking KPIs — you’ve already lost them.

Don’t wait for burnout. Or breakdowns. Skip the posters. Lead better. Listen sooner.

First published by Kasia Biernacka on LinkedIn.

Kasia Biernacka is an organisational psychologist and leadership advisor based in Belgium, with more than 20 years in HR and leadership development. She has talked about the hidden cost of living in “I’ll manage” mode in interviews for Onet and iKobiece.pl (both in Polish).