Early signs of burnout in women, long before the crash

It is the socks on the floor. Or the colleague who says “quick question” at 17:55. Something small, and a flash of anger that is completely out of proportion. Afterwards you feel guilty. You are not like this.

Or you didn’t used to be.

“I don’t feel like myself.”

Burnout rarely begins with a collapse. It begins quietly, and in women who are good at coping it is easy to miss. As I said in an interview with iKobiece.pl, a woman in “I’ll manage” mode often doesn’t look overloaded at all. Quite the opposite. The fact that you are still functioning says nothing about what it has cost you.

Early signs to take seriously

• Small things feel huge. “I feel overwhelmed, even by small things.” A form to fill in, a decision about dinner.
• You are irritable. Shorter with the people you love most. (Why am I always irritated?)
• Everything feels like an effort. Even things you used to enjoy.
• Rest doesn’t restore you. A good night or a weekend off makes little difference. (More on that here.)
• You negotiate with yourself. “Just this one email.” “I’ll rest when this project is over.”
• Your body has to shout. Tension used to mean “take a break”. Now it takes a headache, a back that locks, or falling ill the moment you go on holiday.
• You are pulling away. More cynical, counting the hours, “why do I even bother”.
• You doubt yourself. Tasks take longer, you double-check more, you feel less competent than you are.
• You lose track of yourself. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

Why women miss it

Because every sign has a more comfortable explanation. Irritability becomes “I’m just impatient”. Exhaustion becomes “it’s a busy season”. Losing interest becomes “I’m getting older”.

Some of these overlap with perimenopause too, which is worth checking with your doctor. Hormones and burnout are not either/or; they often arrive in the same years and make each other worse.

The women I see are rarely the ones who couldn’t cope. They are the ones who coped for too long without anyone noticing, including themselves.

When it is more than a busy season

If several of these signs have lasted more than a few weeks, it isn’t a busy season any more. And if your sleep, your mood or your health are clearly suffering, talk to your doctor first.

The crash is the last sign, not the first. The first one is usually a sentence you say quietly to yourself: I don’t feel like myself.

Kasia Biernacka is an organisational psychologist and leadership advisor based in Belgium, with more than 20 years in HR and leadership development. She has talked about the hidden cost of living in “I’ll manage” mode in interviews for Onet and iKobiece.pl (both in Polish).